Sensei's fans would be jealous of me

Sensei has a lot of fans, mainly because she is funny and cheerful, making the class very interesting and fun.

I know a girl whose classes are quite far but she always studies outside the teacher's room to get an opportunity to chat with Sensei. I know somebody who always goes to that faculty canteen at certain time to be able to meet Sensei and have a chat. I know Sensei is very popular among the students.
Even I was very interested at first. Sensei is very funny and the Japanese class is always fun.

Some people brag about having a picture with her, but I know her fans would be jealous to know that:

1. She gave me a box of cookie during White Day because I gave her a chocolate (that I made by myself) during Valentine's Day.

2. I also took a picture during the last day of class.

3. During consultation, I brought Sensei a box of chrysanthemum tea packets since she had been sick for 2 weeks (sore throat and cough) and she lent me her *ehem* used glass to drink the tea together. Now, don't you think that is INDIRECT KISS???

Oh well yes I do think her fans would be jealous of me if they know. But it's not like I'm happy or anything. Since I like her, it would be a good memory, thus I'm noting it down in this blog.

When you're tired and want to procrastinate...

... you can make a blog post.

So many things need to be done. Projects, papers, homework, tutorials, exams.
To be honest I'm not supposed to make a blog post because I'm supposed to use the time to study / do tutorials.

But to be honest, the pace is too fast. My useless brain cannot cope with the speed of the lesson.
The only lesson that I faithfully go to is actually Japanese class (I'm 6 chapters behind my Maths module), but somehow I'm not really doing well.

I've studied, but somehow the other students are always better, and they always know more. So many vocabs and kanji to be memorized, grammar to be gotten used to,...
Maybe I should blame the small capacity of my brain and just accept the fact that I will be inferior to others. Or I can be really hardworking to get good results, which is what I'm doing right now, and it's currently driving me crazy.

It's driving me crazy because I feel like a zombie who does nothing but studying or doing projects, and it makes me depressed thinking that I will spend the next four years like this.

Moreover, I'm not particularly motivated to study either, so the obligation to study and get good results feel torturous.

I feel very bad...

... for not going to school today.


Why I should go to school today:
It's near prelim and I know I can't study by myself so I need to go to school
I have Maths quiz today.
I have GP consultation today.
I was sick but I'm better today.


Why I don't want to go to school:
I haven't finished all the homeworks and I don't want to be scolded.
I slept at 5 AM yesterday (my fault, really)
My mother told me it's okay not to go to school today.



I wish you're here. I just need someone to hug me. It's scary out there, and I don't know what to do.

Chasing Pavement

You know what, guys, I'm going to try to do the impossible.

I will put here what I tweet just now:

- My current predicted result for A level is 3As with C in GP and C/D in Econs. If luckily I can get a scholarsip, maybe to NTU.

- Then I will graduate and apply for a mediocre job. I'll be a mediocre employee who works just to get enough money to live.

- Maybe I'll meet someone in the office and maybe we'll get married. That's all. That's my mediocre future plan.

- But suddenly somebody is asking me to try for the impossible. I told him that it's just a waste of energy, because you know it's impossible.

- But if I'm forced to do it, I have to try to make the impossible possible. That's really not in my future plan.

- What I'm afraid of is that when I've tried to make the impossible possible and I still fail, I will be down and blame myself.

- I'll most probably blame myself for not studying hard enough since secondary school, for not reading enough book, for starting too late.

- Should I just keep chasing pavements even if it leads nowhere? (Haha the overused quotes)

- And when I fail I will lament over the wasted money and energy. Well yeah the problem is the probability of success is 0.01%.

- I'm supposed to lead a mediocre life. Why put myself in this trouble?

Yeah basically my point is summarized in those tweets. You know if I'm really going to do this impossible thing, I have to prepare for countless essays, interviews, SAT, and I have to work hard to ace Prelims. And the percentage of succeeding is still only 0.01%. Well if I get straight As for Prelim and 2300 for SAT, I would say the percentage will increase to 1%. There are many people in top schools who are going to get straight As for Prelim and maybe perfect score for SAT.

I'm not supposed to do this because I know it's impossible. Someone like me only has 0.01% in succeeding and believe me, it's not an understatement. Somebody who can do this kind of impossible stuff is the top scorer in my secondary school type of guy. I'm the plain lazy ass who never put 100% effort in everything, because I like it. I hate that miserable feeling that you get when you push yourself too much. That urge to shout "Why do I have to do this?" will keep coming to you.

So that is my two cents' worth on this issue. I will try, and I will give you the update next year.

For my GP teacher

*every year, my GP teacher would ask us to write a feedback for her. Since I usually have a blank-out moment everytime people ask me to do something spontaneously, I would prepare myself and write this in advance. Or maybe I will write her a letter at the end of the year.

Dear GP tutor,

When we first met, I have to say that I don't like you. Maybe it's because I think you have this arrogant aura around you, which would come from your vast knowledge and years of experience. I think you can't help it, because I can see you are proud of yourself and your achievement, and I mistake your confidence with arrogance. Or maybe I don't like you because I have doubts in you, since you are a new teacher and I can't help being skeptical about you.

And I have to say I don't really like GP lesson because it's just very boring. I think all GP lessons are boring, because all we do are just practicing for compre, brain-storming, learning good structure for compo, etc. They're all focusing on the 'A' level (which is important, but I wish we do more stuff outside the syllabus). However, I do appreciate your effor to make the lesson more interesting eg having presentation with attractive prizes (I just realized other classes don't have that, and I love my starbucks card, thank you), cutting parts of a paragraph / essay outline and make us matching them ourselves, and having book review (I actually wish we would do this more often to force me to read a book).

If I think back, GP lesson was not fun as we focus more on skills and contents. But if I get a good result for my GP, I think I have to thank you.