I'm having a trip to Japan with I next month. We've planned this trip since April. And before we planned this trip, I already knew that there's gonna be a karate exam on August. He insisted that August is the only time possible because the other months are not available (I'm going to Lisbon in September and Japan again in October - November).
Then we chose 7-14th August because there's Comiket on 12th and 13th (we're attending the 12th one). We've planned the itinerary, booked the flight and hotel, etc.
Then it was announced that the karate exam is on the 13th.
It's actually possible to reschedule the flight (we bought the ticket that allows for rescheduling). But then we'll need to take the night flight on the 12th. The only available night flight is at 6 PM. That means we only can spend time at Comiket from 11 - 1PM to be able to make it to the airport on time.
We had a whole debate about this. To me, the karate exam is more important than Comiket. I don't care about the goods, I just want to know what Comiket is like, and I think 2 hours (or 4 hours because we had to queue from 9AM) is more than enough.
He was sad because he was expecting to have a lot of fun with me on Comiket (I don't actually think I will have that much fun) and because it's cut short now, it feels like he'll be "kurang puas" in Japan. He expected that Comiket would be something that both of us enjoy. I doubt that I'll enjoy it that much.
He tried to convince me why I should choose Comiket instead: because it's a big event on a hot summer day and some things are bound to happen, e.g. missing ticket, irritating visitors, mishappens, etc.
I couldn't sleep at night trying to create a counter argument and I actually made an essay that I didn't manage to tell him in the end, so I'm gonna put it here:
I tried to imagine what kind of things might happen during Comiket and to be honest, I couldn't find any that would be a deal breaker. I feel that whatever happens can be resolved, and I know you well enough to be confident to say that I won't find anything about you that will make me want to break up with you. If there's any new side of you that I might see during Comiket, then let me find out about it on other opportunities.
If you think that you might see a new side of me during Comiket, then it's on you to create other opportunities to find out whatever it is that you're expecting to see. That's your problem, not mine.
That being said, I think "that's your problem" is a selfish thing to say, and I seriously consider your concerns. But in this case, the karate exam is also important to me. I feel that if I decided to give up on it, and in the end you don't find anything new about me, I probably can't help but to regret my decision and think, "I should've gone for the exam instead." And we've agreed that we want to avoid that situation.
So with all these things considered, my conclusion is to prioritise the karate exam.
Before I managed to say that to him, he came up with a plan B where we extend our stay to be from 5-12th August. We'll go to Kawaguchiko fireworks festival and Fuji Q Highland on the 5th and the 6th. When he proposed this, what came to my mind was, "So your main problem is not about whatever bullshit you say about seeing a new side of me?!!!! Your problem is that you will have "less fun" in Japan because the Comiket is cut short??!!!"
I was like, fine, sounds like a win-win solution. You'll have more fun, and I'll get to attend my karate exam.
Then we started to find hotels near Kawaguchiko, flights, etc and to be honest the whole thing was a major pain in the ass, mostly because terlalu mepet. Hotels are fully booked, flights are expensive, etc. I almost wanted to throw in the towel and gave up on my karate exam.
And my mum is gaslighting me, saying that the trip is more important, there will be another karate exam in December, I'm only doing karate for fun and not for something serious. She makes me questioning my judgement. Yes there is another exam in December. Delaying the belt for another 3 months shouldn't be a big deal, right?
But my heart doesn't listen to my brain. My heart is disappointed, it's sad, tears are shed. If I feel this sad, that it must be important to me, no?
What you deem important doesn't have to be rational. It's like a kid who treasured his old barbie doll and cried when he lost it, and parents who downplay the importance of the doll by saying "There are so many barbie dolls. I'll buy you another one."
Sad.
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Edit: a week after I wrote this, I had my period. So probably those tears and all these emotions are because of PMS.
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